TO BEGIN:
The minister introduces himself or herself to the attending family and friends and the purpose of the gathering together of family and friends. The minister states the departed ones name and his or her relationship to the family; mother, father, uncle, aunt, or friend.
The Opening Prayer:
The minister presents his or her message about death and dying and includes Scripture verses which are intended to comfort the family and friends. The minister speaks about the departed one and references the departed one to the family, friends, and community. This is where the minister places into his or her message the biographical information about the individual: the departed one may have been a community leader, church attendee, parent of a number of children by name, etc.
The Eulogy
The individual appointed to give a eulogy speaks. The minister must never cut anyone off from speaking for any reason. Speaking is a form of grieving and grieving is the function of the funeral. The minister should keep in mind that funerals are for the living more than for the departed one. Funerals embrace the last moments of memories made and about to end. Making the funeral service memorable in words and actions is the most important duty of the minister.
The eulogy, when tastefully done, is a very appropriate way of celebrating the deceased person's life. After the eulogy the minister accepts back control of the ceremony by reading a few Scriptures again to comfort the family and friends. We have collected out suggested Prayers and Reading with some possible scriptures for the service. Some ministers are using poems of peace and comfort in addition to or as a substitution for Scriptures at this point of the ceremony. Sometimes a story is told to bring all into a common thought or feeling. Bringing into the message some of the personal aspects of the departed is very important. Rather than listing accomplishments in life, it is advisable to recount emotional aspects such as being a loving husband, father, businessman, grandmother or grandfather are all appropriate. Family and friends are not interested at this point in listening to a biography of the individual, but rather to hear about the emotional aspects of the individual's life. Stories are particularly impressive at this point of the ceremony. Bringing as many memories to mind as possible and including as many people as possible into those memories is very important. The family members can be very helpful in supplying the minister with emotional aspects of the departed ones life.
The Closing Prayer:
The minister ends the ceremony with a prayer and then the closing Benediction which is also a prayer. This should be a memorable moment. Oftentimes the minister will call for the family and friends to bow their heads during the prayer. This is a good practice because it creates unity within the group. There are many prayers to select from, same of which are also on the Prayers and Reading page. Selections giving hope and comfort are best suited to this portion of the ceremony.
The Benediction:
At the conclusion of the service, the minister should lead the recessional from within the church or chapel to the hearse. Once the casket has been placed in the hearse, the minister takes his place in the automobile procession to the graveside.
At the graveside, it is customary for the minister to lead the pallbearers as they carry the casket.
The Graveside Service:
The graveside service (the Committal or Interment ceremony), which follows the funeral service, should always be brief unless the graveside service is the whole ceremony, in which case the time would increase. In a chapel service an hour is ample time and usually much less depending upon the number of musical selections beginning the ceremony or hymns sung during the ceremony. If there is a chapel service and a graveside committal ceremony an hour total time is adequate. For a graveside committal ceremony as the complete service the time should be less than 30 minutes.
Brief remarks, Scripture, prayer and a closing committal statement (the ashes to ashes phrase is appropriate here) are adequate for the setting. Ten minutes is usually ample time for the graveside service if it is preceded by a chapel service. There will be occasions when the entire service will be conducted at the graveside. This type of service requires planning since there are a number of circumstances that will be considerably different; the weather, temperature, setting, arrangements etc. Most of the people will be standing and the family is to be seated. We have available some suggested benedictions, these are only suggestions to be changed to what the family wants for the service.
The remarks should be delivered from the head end of the casket.
After the benediction, the minister usually offers a quiet word of consolation to individual family members seated. A word of blessing or promise of prayer is usually adequate.
SUGGESTED SERVICES:
The list below offers some of the most common suggested orders of service. I have supplied various texts, which you can put into each number to design the service according the will of the family and your particular.
- Piano or Organ Music (live or recorded)
- The Opening Prayer
- Invocation (opening statements by minister/statement of purpose)
- Minister's Message of Hope and Peace
- Eulogy
- Closing Prayer
- Benediction
- Piano or organ music or congregational hymn
- Scripture reading
- Invocation (opening statements by minister/statement of purpose)
- Eulogy
- Prayer
- Message (of comfort, eternal life, love outlasting life)
- Benediction (closing prayer which consoles and gives peace)
- Piano or organ music (live or recorded/usually chapel provided)
- Opening Scriptural sentences
- Hymn
- Eulogy delivered by friend or relative
- Pastoral prayer
- Message (of comfort, eternal life, love outlasting life)
- Benediction
- Piano or organ music (live or recorded/usually chapel provided)
- Invocation (opening welcome by the minister/statement of purpose)
- Recitation of the Lords Prayer
- Old and New Testament readings
- Eulogy (sometimes referred to as the obituary)
- Message (of comfort, eternal life, love outlasting li fe)
- Benediction
The Need for Follow-Up:
A few days after the ceremony, the minister should call the family to inquire how they are feeling. This contact information should have been collected at the time of the planning of the ceremony. This is another opportunity for the family member to share emotions and the minister's duty is to LISTEN, COMFORT and CONSOLE.
The opportunities for ministry are not completed once the funeral service and burial have been concluded. Sensitive follow-up will underscore the sincerity of the minister and will create the climate for the development of even stronger relationships with the family. The minister, as a representative of God, offers more than his or her services at the funeral. The minister shares his or her person with the family and connects at the personal level and this is very important not only in times of grief and sorrow.
This telephone contact draws the minister closer to the family so as to be remembered should services be needed again in the future when the minister may be considered the minister for the family. If the minister is active with a congregation, this is an opportunity to invite the family to services. Simply offering the welcome to the family is adequate to show continuing concern.
A simple telephone call is very impressive and should not be overlooked by the minister.
Minister's Message of Hope:
Humanity needs to have hope in something beyond our time and place. We must have hope. Hope is that which allows us to carry on with dignity. In this setting today, we need hope. In the midst of grief, we need a vision that goes beyond the moment.
God has given us that hope in the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. Our Lord taught in the simplest language the reality of a future life. John's Gospel reminds us, "In my Father's house are many mansions;I go to prepare a place for you." (John 14:2)
We are reminded in the Scripture that "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, / Nor have entered into the heart of man/ The things which God has prepared for / those who love Him." (1 Cor. 2:9)
Once we become confident of God's love for us, it makes all the difference in the world as we face each day. So we gather here not to mourn the end of a life, but to celebrate the transition from one life to another. In this setting there is always sadness and grief. These emotions are a legitimate response to loss. Let us not forget that our primary reason for gathering here is to lift our eyes to a resurrected Lord who is our hope. In so doing, we claim the hope that death represents not the end of life but actually its beginning.
Prayer:
O God, keep us that we may abide in Your shelter and in Your shadow. Give us courage to claim You as our fortress. You will deliver us in this moment as in all of life. Amen
Possible Opening Scriptural Sentences:
Deut. 33:27
Josh. 1:9
Job 1:21
